Just Not Getting It

Why is it that some people order a diet coke with their double Big Mac and extra large french fries?

What Scares Me

Am I the only one who gets a little nervous about seeing braille on the buttons at a drive-through ATM?

Irony

Why didn't my mother see the irony in calling me a "son of a bitch."

Politicians

Political jokes are only funny if they don't get elected.

Idiot Proof

As soon as you make it idiot proof, someone makes a better idiot.

Modesty

Is it possible to be proud of your modesty?

War

How is it possible to have a "civil" war?

Intellectual Property

Can a stupid idea still be intellectual property?

Psychics

Why do Psychics have to ask you for your name?

Failure

If you try to fail, and you succeed, which have you actually done?

Drinking

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Big Picture

If a restaurant has posted a sign that says "No shoes, No shirt, No service," will you get service if you're not wearing pants?

War

Does war determine who is right, or only who is left?

Cell Phones

Why is it that we can communicate with astronauts in space, but my cell phone doesn't work 70 miles from my house?

Memory

I bought a book on improving memory, but forgot to read it.

Uniqueness

If everyone is unique, is that really unique?

Sexual addiction

Sexual addiction is man's most ingenious invention.

Paris

If Paris Hilton's brains were dynamite, she couldn't blow her head up.

Morning Breath

Do you think when they came up with "true love endures," they had morning breath in mind?

Fear

If you want to scare a man, throw rice at him.

Relationships

If you think you found Mr. or Ms. Right, make sure their first name isn't "Always."

Differences

People laugh because I'm different; I laugh because they're all the same.

Religion

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

Politics

If it weren't for politicians, I might feel much less intelligent.

Food

I feel about food like Michael Jackson feels about little ... oh nevermind.

Siblings

Being the youngest sibling meant I could get away with things without having to pay for Johnny Cochrane.

Beliefs

If God actually existed, do you really think we'd have the Jerry Springer Show?

Health

If I crave Big Macs everytime I leave the gym, wouldn't I be healthier if I just stopped going to the gym?

Government

Trying to make progress in Government is like trying to get Britney Spears to wear underwear.

Happiness

All I ask for is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Curiosity

What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?

Celebrities

Why do we not think enough of ourselves to not hold ourselves to those standards to which we hold celebrities?

Saturdays

True happiness is a Saturday.

Beginnings

From small beginnings come great things.