Sexual addiction

Sexual addiction is man's most ingenious invention.

Paris

If Paris Hilton's brains were dynamite, she couldn't blow her head up.

Morning Breath

Do you think when they came up with "true love endures," they had morning breath in mind?

Fear

If you want to scare a man, throw rice at him.

Relationships

If you think you found Mr. or Ms. Right, make sure their first name isn't "Always."

Differences

People laugh because I'm different; I laugh because they're all the same.

Religion

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

Politics

If it weren't for politicians, I might feel much less intelligent.

Food

I feel about food like Michael Jackson feels about little ... oh nevermind.

Siblings

Being the youngest sibling meant I could get away with things without having to pay for Johnny Cochrane.

Beliefs

If God actually existed, do you really think we'd have the Jerry Springer Show?

Health

If I crave Big Macs everytime I leave the gym, wouldn't I be healthier if I just stopped going to the gym?

Government

Trying to make progress in Government is like trying to get Britney Spears to wear underwear.

Happiness

All I ask for is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Curiosity

What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?

Celebrities

Why do we not think enough of ourselves to not hold ourselves to those standards to which we hold celebrities?

Saturdays

True happiness is a Saturday.

Beginnings

From small beginnings come great things.